This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
