it hurts more in the daytime
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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