Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This baby is an asshole
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
