I am in a vortex of obligation.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
