She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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