i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
