Porn is love you can see.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
