I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize