Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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