i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We left the knife in your bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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