Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
whose parrot is this?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
