The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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