Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
