I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
