Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
