peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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