we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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