I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize