so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
