The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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