is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
