So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
