yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
