Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
soo... how was my night?
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