that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
