last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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