why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
