just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
