It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he high fived his dick after we had sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
