Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
