I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
