She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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