Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
