I think my fart just growled at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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