Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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