He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
