I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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