I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
