I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
