Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
