the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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