Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
