Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My ass is underappreciated
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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