shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
