he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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