did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this boner is exhausting
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
