it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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