So drunk its hurt
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
