mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
