so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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