Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
