Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
