Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
