Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
