I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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