Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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