i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
