things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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