The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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