you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
