I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We got so high we made milksteak
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
