Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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