Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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