So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
