So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize