i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Found your dick twin last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
