Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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