I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
