when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
