I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
