She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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