I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
