there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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