I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
