i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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