her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize