OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
