I wish i was in the wii world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
