She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
