New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
