Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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