we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
