I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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