i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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