Your face is a jimmy john
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
