Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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