You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
