i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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