Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
