Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
