I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
