Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
