remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
