How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
