Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize