he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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