Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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