Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
