"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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