So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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