well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize