Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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