I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
