Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
