is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize