i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize