i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
