So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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