Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
